My American Idol

I've been a fan of David Cook since he was on American Idol last January. I knew he would win. His talent is beyond what any of the other contestants have ever had in my opinion. His new cd came out yesterday and I of course ran right out to buy it. When I heard this one song, I knew that everything I ever thought about David was confirmed. He wrote this song for his brother that has a brain tumor. If this doesn't convince you of his genius then you will never appreciate his style and that's ok. My girls prefer the other David, Archuleta. He's ok but he's still a baby in my eyes and just doesn't do for me. Hopefully this link will be Permanent.




Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you’ll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change even if I tell you I won’t go away today
Will you think that you’re all alone
When no one’s there to hold your hand?
And all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary rest your head
I’m permanent

I know he’s living in hell every single day
And so I ask oh god is there some way for me to take his place
And when they say it’s all touch and go I wish I could make it go away
But still you say
Will you think that you’re all alone when no one’s there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary, rest your head
I’m permanent
I’m permanent

Is the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you’ll never see me cry

Burned out again?

Mr. Rainy went back to work so I have the house to myself. I'm running out of things to clean, believe it or not. I am becoming a much better housekeeper since I stopped going to work. Yeah, I haven't talked about not going to work but it's true. I haven't worked since Sept. I feel a little guilty as money is always a good thing but my 5 years is up. You see, I seem to only be able to work the same job for a maximum of 5 years. My first job was at a video store. I worked there on and off through high school, college and the early years with Mr. Rainy. Got pissed off at them when they moved the new kid up to Manager over me. Turned out I was pregnant anyway so I told them to kiss off. After a year or two, I went to work at a clothing store in the mall. I worked there on and off between pregnancies for about 3 years then I got pissed off at not getting paid as much as a new girl they hired and quit for good. Funny, that store closed down not long afterward. I guess that showed them! I stayed home for a couple of years then I started doing day care out of my house. I did that for just one year and thought I would go insane. I kicked all those kids out and went to work at the gymnastics school my daughter went to. That job I really loved until they messed with my kid. She had been there for 7 years and me for 5 when we told them adios, but in not as nice of words. I then went on to the current job of substitute para educator for the school district. I really enjoy working with kids and the flexibility is great. But the truth is I get bored easily. Sometimes I go to a job and I have to just stand around in the classroom or on the playground and it kills me. I need to keep busy. Give me something to do please. It's great when I actually get to work with the kids or I'm asked to make stuff but unfortunately that doesn't happen nearly enough.

I need a creative job but don't know how to find one. I have no official training for anything creative. I love my computer and doing stuff on it and I love actual crafts of any kind but I'm not hard-wired for anything permanent or repetitive. I've tried every craft known to woman and enjoyed them for a time. I have no doubt that my boys came by their ADD through me. The girls got a little luckier and don't suffer with distraction as easily. So what do I do now? I'm open to suggestions. I'm toying with a few ideas but nothing has really sparked my motor. The obvious choice is to go back to school and study something in the arts category but the idea of studying and doing homework again makes my brain hurt and causes my heart to race. That can't be good for my health.

It's not all bad

Even though we're going through a sad time there are also some really good things happening.

Mr. Rainy's family has all moved away. The sisters are two hours south of us, one brother is in Montana and the other has lived in Germany his whole life. Plus we have a niece in California. They are all coming back for Thanksgiving and Mom's memorial service. It will be wonderful to see them all together. That hasn't happened in the 23 years I've known them. While I expect a few tears, I know it will be a special time and we are looking forward to seeing everyone.

Guess who is hosting Thanksgiving? Yep, you guessed it, US. Mr. Rainy's dad is buried in the local cemetery and they want to put his Mom there too. Since the service is the day after Thanksgiving it makes sense for us to host but the truth is there is a reason why nobody comes here. We have no room for our own six let alone twenty five! Yes, 25.

Mr. Rainy's shop sent not just one but two beautiful flower arrangements to our house. They smell divine. I wake up in the morning and my house smells like a florist shop. I could get used to having these lovelies around all the time. While the flowers arrangements are gorgeous, sitting them on my cluttered dining table doesn't do a thing for them. Martha Stewart I am not but even I wouldn't be caught dead with 25, yes 25 people in my house with the way it was looking. I've been cleaning like a crazy woman for the last two days. You just don't realize until the thought of having a bunch of people over how embarrassingly dirty you are. The fridge got a complete overhaul. Have you really looked at that grate thing on the bottom of the fridge? What is that and why does it look fuzzier than Fozzy the Bear? I think it's really dust but honestly it could just as easily be mold. So what about the light fixture over the table? Is it really necessary to clean it more than once a year? Does anyone ever look up? I suppose it was worth washing after I noticed how much brighter it is that room. Of course brighter just means you can see more of the dust on the other fixtures. Why does dust turn to paste when you get it wet? And is there a good way to get that goo off? Soap just doesn't work.

I only had to drop a hint or two about how it sure would be nice if the trim in the kitchen and living room was finished for when everyone arrives. I believe if I play my cards right I just might get a few other chores done around here too. Now if I can finagle that new dining table and china hutch I've been wanting for years, I might not even need alcohol to keep me sane on T Day.

Goodbye Mom

Mr. Rainy was just there to visit his mom on Saturday and she slept peacefully but didn't wake. We got the call on Monday saying the end was near. We quickly got in the car and drove the two hours south one more time. His sisters said we didn't need to come that there was nothing we could do. But we couldn't stay away. The cord was still strong that binds mother and son. The sisters are so close to the situation and their cords are frayed thin. The wear has been too much and we understand and sympathize with them. It's been so hard for so long. They needed peace. The peace came last night. She waited for Veteran's Day. It's very symbolic and a great choice. Mr. Rainy's dad was a veteran of the Vietnam war. Their lives revolved around the military. Mr. Rainy himself was a Marine. We will remember her, her husband and all veterans together from now on.



Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glint on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you wake in the morning hush, I am the swift, uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the soft starlight at night. Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there, I did not die! Mary Frye (1932)

Proud Mommy

This is just one song from the high school concert last night. I share it because my daughter Essica had a solo, er a trio? I really don't know what they call it. She was one of 3 that sang a solo part in the big choir. It's about half way through the song. Mr. Rainy was taping and he doesn't know how to zoom out so you mostly see our kid. He's a proud papa so I won't give him grief over his video taping ability.

This concert took place as a choir exchange with the Vladimir Girl's Choir. They are touring the Puget Sound from Oct 25th through Nov 8th. Last night they performed with our high school choirs and then on Saturday they will perform with the Tacoma Youth Chorus which both my girls are a part of also. I will make sure I get video of the Russian choir. They are truly amazing and fun to watch.

Can we do it? Yes, we can!

I've been sitting here reading different blogs and message boards all morning and one thought keeps running through my mind. We have a black President. We have a black President. We have a black President! I certainly expected it sometime in my life span but for some reason I just didn't expect it this year and I wasn't really emotionally prepared. I've been searching my feelings and I trying to decide if I'm excited because he's black or because he's just such an awesome guy. Would I be this excited if he was a white guy? I never knew who this Barak Obama person was before September. I have never followed politics in the past but when I learned who the Republicans picked for their VP I started sitting up and taking notice of both sides. My first and continued reaction to the choice of Sarah Palin was one of utter disbelief. I remember thinking... What? Are they crazy? They must be desperate. So then I decided to find out why they were so afraid of this 'Muslim' from Hawaii.

Who is Barak Obama? What I found out is this... Obama is intense. He is intelligent. He is determined. He is calm. He is serious. He is strong. He is impressive. He is classy. He is respectful. He is humble. He is believable. He is caring. He is compassionate. He is dedicated. He is hopeful. He is freedom. He is liberty. He is black. He is white. He is American!

I think I'm fairly typical of most Americans. We don't know all the issues when it comes to politics but we know what we like. I'm not black. I'm not even a man but I feel like Obama is someone who can relate to me. I get no such feelings from McCain. He comes across as a grumpy old man who thinks he knows what Americans need. But he doesn't really have a clue. If you have to tell people you're a maverick then you are NOT one. People who inspire others don't point fingers and call names. Why would anyone want him to be their leader?

So, in retrospect I believe Obama's being bi-racial certainly played a role in who he is but would I be just as pleased with him if he was only white? Sure. But I'm thrilled that my children get to witness this historic moment at a young age. I'm excited that we're making progress. My kids will live in a era where people really are created equal. America decided that picking a young half black man named Hussein was a better choice than picking a backbiting, conservative, old republican "maverick". I am disappointed because so many people still voted for McSame/Falin. I know, baby steps.