Lucky?

So I'm still not "working". I try to justify my staying home by saying my kids still need me around. I'm not sure how much I really believed that to be true but when you're not crazy busy rushing from work to home, to this function or that one you have a little bit of time to think. I also have more time to read the paper, the internet and books of course. What I'm discovering is that I have pretty amazing kids. Why? Why are my kids so great? I nag them constantly about not cleaning up after themselves, get frustrated when they get poor grades and whine when I get no down time on the weekend because of their busy lives. What a pain they really are! I'd be so much better off if they would just grow up already. I admit I feel like this a lot. I might even say it out loud to them once in a while.

But occasionally moments come when none of that stuff matters. I was reading in the paper about a teen party where 35 kids were arrested for drinking. Some were caught driving and one kid was passed out in the bath tub with alcohol poisoning. In the middle of the night they called those parents on the phone to tell them their child was drunk at the police station. I am trying to imagine how I would feel getting that call. I remember a time when I was a teen that I was picked up by the police in the middle of the night. No, I hadn't been drinking but I was supposed to be spending the night at a friends house and we snuck out of the house and meet some boys. The police picked us up and drove us home. They had to knock on my parents window to wake them up. Was I a bad kid? I didn't think so. Was I a stupid kid? Oh yeah! But how did my parents feel? I honestly don't know. We never discussed it afterward and they are both gone now. I can imagine that they were worried for me. Worried that I would continue to make bad decisions and mess up my life.

I guess this is every parents worry. On Saturdays when I'm not uber busy with other stuff, I coach kids at a bowling center. My kids have been involved with this program for a number of years. It's a few blocks from the house I grew up in and while I turned out ok, (regardless of my forays in the middle of the night) I felt it prudent to seek a better location to raise my family. Suffice it to say that we live in a different area of town but this bowling center was part of my childhood and I wanted to share it with my kids. The families we come in contact with at the bowling center are diverse and interesting. Some families are close knit and bring all the cousins, aunts and uncles to support the kids. Some of the kids I've never met their parents. One of my fellow coaches is a great guy with a daughter of his own in the program. He's genuinely interested in helping kids and is outgoing and friendly. I enjoy talking to him and getting to know his family. He's divorced and raising his 15 year old daughter. I noticed a change in her about 1/2 way through last season. She's also very friendly and outgoing and still is. But one day she showed up with a piece of metal sticking out of her lip. I was a bit shocked that Dad would allow that. After talking to said dad, he just shook his head and said she came home with it one day and he wasn't happy about it but didn't know what to do about it. Over the months other changes showed up. The hair started turning colors and the pants were ripped in strategic places. When the hickies showed up, I got worried. I wanted to go over to her and shake her. Of course I didn't and I ignored it but last week dad told me that he didn't know what to do with her. She quit bowling. Seems partying is more fun, and doing drugs and having sex. I hope my horror didn't show on my face when he told me. It's not that I don't know kids do that stuff, of course they do. I was one of them. But as a parent, I can't imagine knowing anything worse about your child. How do you cope with that knowledge? How do you fix it? How did it happen?

This is when I realized that either I got extremely lucky with my kids or I'm doing something right. Even though I have mostly worked throughout my kid's lives, both my husband and I are flexible with our schedules. Someone is always home and available. We've encouraged them to do different things and pursue activities. Growing up, I was left alone often. I wasn't encouraged to do anything. I had a defining moment as a teen when I confronted my dad about it. I was angry and upset that I was basically ignored all my life. While I was not truly ignored, my feelings at the time were that they didn't care about me. They didn't come to my performances or my school functions. I was never pushed to do anything or to try to better myself. I realized that a kid isn't much different than an adult. We all have a need to feel useful, to have a purpose or something that we are good at. Just because a child doesn't work, doesn't mean that they can't have a purpose in life. So I used my feelings as a teenage to guide me as a parent. I know I'm not the easiest to live with and I often seem unfeeling or critical. I guess some behaviors are learned too young and are hard to change. I also know that while I made different choices than my parents did, there is no guarantee that my techniques would produce a better kid. I'm ok, aren't I? I guess they didn't screw up that badly!

I do get the occasional positive feedback from my kids. They like that I'm involved. They feel bad for the kids who's parents are too busy or not interested in coming to their bowling matches, concerts, gymnastics meets. They like that I will help them with their projects. They like that I'm approachable. They can talk to me about anything. They like our special moments together, either at the movies or on trips. They like the fact that I will take them to get pie when life sucks or when life is good. Pie is truly the secret to life, don't you know?

Even if they were strung out on drugs, engaged in illegal or illicit behavior I would still love my kids but I'm so eternally grateful that they are not doing any of those things! They are talented, kind, beautiful, smart, dedicated and amazing. Whether it was luck or by design, I don't care. But I sure am thankful.

Bowling Weekend

Essica had another weekend with back to back tournaments. Every month this year Junior Bowling Tour hosts two tournaments a weekend. We were in Vancouver for the first and just south of Portland for the second. While they are hosted back to back they are completely separate with scores starting over on day two. Usually it's the same kids both days as all the bowlers are obsessive and must get in as much tournament play as they can get. Essica is no exception. After last months win (Doubles with her friend Wes) she had a few goals that did not include winning again. She wanted to finish in the top 5 one day and lead at least one round.

Well she did not get her name on the leader board as she was struggling on Saturday. We did not think she would even qualify for semis but she did. 2nd to last! She was behind the leader by a good 60 - 70 pins. She had three games to make up the difference and qualify in the top 5 for finals. My friend, Linda showed up right before semi finals to watch. I think Essica was showing off. She bowled a 222, 199 and 202. Those scores jumped her from 13th to 1st. Top 5 bowl off in a step ladder format. So 5th bowls 4th, winner bowls 3rd and so on. Essica being the top seed only had to bowl one game. She capitalized on a mistake that the other bowler made and captured the win. It was very exciting and fun to share with Linda. She walked out with $200 added to her scholarship fund.


We stayed the night at my sister in laws house, left at 8 the next morning to head about 45 min south to the next tournament. Essica's goal for the day was to just lead a round. She's never done that. She always comes from behind so she just wanted to start off strong and bowl well early. It was a very tough sport shot today and all bowlers were struggling. She bowled with the same kids she bowled with Saturday. Ryan was the boy she beat for 1st and he was on her lanes as well. He started off very strong again. Essica also started off well and stayed in the top 5 but couldn't jump any higher. After the qualifying rounds, we knew she made the cut as she was still in the pluses. All she had to do was bowl about 170 to make the cut. Her first game was a 170. 2nd game a 129! She was freaking out. That dropped her into the minus and placed her 6th! She had to bowl about a 200 to make up for that. Luckily all the other top kids went minus that round too but it wasn't a fun place to be at that moment. I told her to get aggressive and fight for it. She likes to come from behind and this is her chance to do that. She went up with a new attitude then and slammed out a 223! We thought that would carry her to the 1st place slot again but Ryan managed to hang on to it this time. So Essica was 2nd and had to wait it out 2 rounds before she could bowl. She started off her first game really bad and was getting upset. I told her the same thing, be aggressive! It's never too late, so don't give up. She went up and knocked back 4 strikes and the other girl started struggling and Essica took the game with 15 pins to spare. :) The title match was between her and Ryan again. They stayed even through to the 6th frame when Essica left an open frame. Ryan struck and then he opened too. He ended up open in the 10th too and left the door open for Essica. She only needed to mark and get 8 but she pulled her arm and left a really ugly, hard to get mess. She freaked out and pulled her arm again and missed. So she walked out with 2nd and couldn't be much happier had she won. Total for Sunday was $115. So $315 for the weekend and two more plaques added to her trophy wall. Not a bad weekend. She also moved up the points ladder and should be in 2nd right behind Ryan who also won two titles this season and finished 2nd once also.

Essica has 3 high school matches this week. What with the snow and then the flooding we missed both high school matches and gymnastics meets. So we have a few to make up before the season ends at the end of the month. I believe we have this weekend off though. Whew!

In other bowling news, I bowled my Friday night league before we left for the weekend and I shot a 245, 202, 180. I broke the high series for women on my league so now I have both the high scratch game of 267 (I shot that two weeks ago) and the high series of 627. :)

Bubba has a make up gymnastics meet today and then another meet on Wed. She's working hard to get a vault. I believe the vault of the day will be a yurchenko with a 1/2 twist, no flip. We shall see. :)

Winter Wonderland

Oh the weather outside is frightful. And the fire is so delightful...... How can you not sing this song all day when you look outside your window and see this?
It's been blowing it since last week. When it will end is anyone's guess but the weather men predict we'll be back to our typical rainy 40ish Pacific Northwest weather by Christmas. Typical. Except this weather is anything but typical for us. We have very little experience driving in sludge like this. Of course if you're really lucky like us you'll live at the bottom of a big hill with no way out but up. The whole neighborhood is parked at the top and parking is a priceless commodity these days. If you've got 4 wheel drive you could make some extra Christmas money shuttling the frost bitten up and down the hill. Too bad we sold our 4 x 4 earlier this year. Why didn't Mr. Rainy spring for the 4 x 4 truck? For us, getting to the top of the hill is about a 6 block hike so I don't go out unless I have a coffee emergency.

I did step out a couple of times to snap a few pictures. We've been watching this little bird for the past week nibble on this last frozen apple.

And poor frosty couldn't handle his snow. Ever since he left the North Pole he can only take a few flakes before he's too drunk to stand up. This little blizzard was just too much.

Today we baked cookies for Christmas. Chocolate Chip and sugar cookies so far. Decorating the sugar cookies was a lot of fun.

The neon food coloring turned out to be a hit.

The girls asked for Christmas music to set the mood.

Ricky did an Adam and Eve version of the Ginger Bread Boy.

Here are a few of the finished products. Notice the Purple and Gold? School spirit even during the holiday break.

Posing with their favorites.

Happy Holidays!

This only took about 20 tries. Why is it so hard to take one good picture? Not even sure this is a good one but it's the best I could do. We had smiling lessons and everything! I also had to cut out the dog. I feel bad but she was not cooperating. Hopefully you will all receive a real picture in the mail very soon. But for now you can enjoy this one.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season filled with love and peace.

My American Idol

I've been a fan of David Cook since he was on American Idol last January. I knew he would win. His talent is beyond what any of the other contestants have ever had in my opinion. His new cd came out yesterday and I of course ran right out to buy it. When I heard this one song, I knew that everything I ever thought about David was confirmed. He wrote this song for his brother that has a brain tumor. If this doesn't convince you of his genius then you will never appreciate his style and that's ok. My girls prefer the other David, Archuleta. He's ok but he's still a baby in my eyes and just doesn't do for me. Hopefully this link will be Permanent.




Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you’ll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change even if I tell you I won’t go away today
Will you think that you’re all alone
When no one’s there to hold your hand?
And all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary rest your head
I’m permanent

I know he’s living in hell every single day
And so I ask oh god is there some way for me to take his place
And when they say it’s all touch and go I wish I could make it go away
But still you say
Will you think that you’re all alone when no one’s there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary, rest your head
I’m permanent
I’m permanent

Is the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you’ll never see me cry

Burned out again?

Mr. Rainy went back to work so I have the house to myself. I'm running out of things to clean, believe it or not. I am becoming a much better housekeeper since I stopped going to work. Yeah, I haven't talked about not going to work but it's true. I haven't worked since Sept. I feel a little guilty as money is always a good thing but my 5 years is up. You see, I seem to only be able to work the same job for a maximum of 5 years. My first job was at a video store. I worked there on and off through high school, college and the early years with Mr. Rainy. Got pissed off at them when they moved the new kid up to Manager over me. Turned out I was pregnant anyway so I told them to kiss off. After a year or two, I went to work at a clothing store in the mall. I worked there on and off between pregnancies for about 3 years then I got pissed off at not getting paid as much as a new girl they hired and quit for good. Funny, that store closed down not long afterward. I guess that showed them! I stayed home for a couple of years then I started doing day care out of my house. I did that for just one year and thought I would go insane. I kicked all those kids out and went to work at the gymnastics school my daughter went to. That job I really loved until they messed with my kid. She had been there for 7 years and me for 5 when we told them adios, but in not as nice of words. I then went on to the current job of substitute para educator for the school district. I really enjoy working with kids and the flexibility is great. But the truth is I get bored easily. Sometimes I go to a job and I have to just stand around in the classroom or on the playground and it kills me. I need to keep busy. Give me something to do please. It's great when I actually get to work with the kids or I'm asked to make stuff but unfortunately that doesn't happen nearly enough.

I need a creative job but don't know how to find one. I have no official training for anything creative. I love my computer and doing stuff on it and I love actual crafts of any kind but I'm not hard-wired for anything permanent or repetitive. I've tried every craft known to woman and enjoyed them for a time. I have no doubt that my boys came by their ADD through me. The girls got a little luckier and don't suffer with distraction as easily. So what do I do now? I'm open to suggestions. I'm toying with a few ideas but nothing has really sparked my motor. The obvious choice is to go back to school and study something in the arts category but the idea of studying and doing homework again makes my brain hurt and causes my heart to race. That can't be good for my health.

It's not all bad

Even though we're going through a sad time there are also some really good things happening.

Mr. Rainy's family has all moved away. The sisters are two hours south of us, one brother is in Montana and the other has lived in Germany his whole life. Plus we have a niece in California. They are all coming back for Thanksgiving and Mom's memorial service. It will be wonderful to see them all together. That hasn't happened in the 23 years I've known them. While I expect a few tears, I know it will be a special time and we are looking forward to seeing everyone.

Guess who is hosting Thanksgiving? Yep, you guessed it, US. Mr. Rainy's dad is buried in the local cemetery and they want to put his Mom there too. Since the service is the day after Thanksgiving it makes sense for us to host but the truth is there is a reason why nobody comes here. We have no room for our own six let alone twenty five! Yes, 25.

Mr. Rainy's shop sent not just one but two beautiful flower arrangements to our house. They smell divine. I wake up in the morning and my house smells like a florist shop. I could get used to having these lovelies around all the time. While the flowers arrangements are gorgeous, sitting them on my cluttered dining table doesn't do a thing for them. Martha Stewart I am not but even I wouldn't be caught dead with 25, yes 25 people in my house with the way it was looking. I've been cleaning like a crazy woman for the last two days. You just don't realize until the thought of having a bunch of people over how embarrassingly dirty you are. The fridge got a complete overhaul. Have you really looked at that grate thing on the bottom of the fridge? What is that and why does it look fuzzier than Fozzy the Bear? I think it's really dust but honestly it could just as easily be mold. So what about the light fixture over the table? Is it really necessary to clean it more than once a year? Does anyone ever look up? I suppose it was worth washing after I noticed how much brighter it is that room. Of course brighter just means you can see more of the dust on the other fixtures. Why does dust turn to paste when you get it wet? And is there a good way to get that goo off? Soap just doesn't work.

I only had to drop a hint or two about how it sure would be nice if the trim in the kitchen and living room was finished for when everyone arrives. I believe if I play my cards right I just might get a few other chores done around here too. Now if I can finagle that new dining table and china hutch I've been wanting for years, I might not even need alcohol to keep me sane on T Day.

Goodbye Mom

Mr. Rainy was just there to visit his mom on Saturday and she slept peacefully but didn't wake. We got the call on Monday saying the end was near. We quickly got in the car and drove the two hours south one more time. His sisters said we didn't need to come that there was nothing we could do. But we couldn't stay away. The cord was still strong that binds mother and son. The sisters are so close to the situation and their cords are frayed thin. The wear has been too much and we understand and sympathize with them. It's been so hard for so long. They needed peace. The peace came last night. She waited for Veteran's Day. It's very symbolic and a great choice. Mr. Rainy's dad was a veteran of the Vietnam war. Their lives revolved around the military. Mr. Rainy himself was a Marine. We will remember her, her husband and all veterans together from now on.



Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glint on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you wake in the morning hush, I am the swift, uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the soft starlight at night. Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there, I did not die! Mary Frye (1932)

Proud Mommy

This is just one song from the high school concert last night. I share it because my daughter Essica had a solo, er a trio? I really don't know what they call it. She was one of 3 that sang a solo part in the big choir. It's about half way through the song. Mr. Rainy was taping and he doesn't know how to zoom out so you mostly see our kid. He's a proud papa so I won't give him grief over his video taping ability.

This concert took place as a choir exchange with the Vladimir Girl's Choir. They are touring the Puget Sound from Oct 25th through Nov 8th. Last night they performed with our high school choirs and then on Saturday they will perform with the Tacoma Youth Chorus which both my girls are a part of also. I will make sure I get video of the Russian choir. They are truly amazing and fun to watch.

Can we do it? Yes, we can!

I've been sitting here reading different blogs and message boards all morning and one thought keeps running through my mind. We have a black President. We have a black President. We have a black President! I certainly expected it sometime in my life span but for some reason I just didn't expect it this year and I wasn't really emotionally prepared. I've been searching my feelings and I trying to decide if I'm excited because he's black or because he's just such an awesome guy. Would I be this excited if he was a white guy? I never knew who this Barak Obama person was before September. I have never followed politics in the past but when I learned who the Republicans picked for their VP I started sitting up and taking notice of both sides. My first and continued reaction to the choice of Sarah Palin was one of utter disbelief. I remember thinking... What? Are they crazy? They must be desperate. So then I decided to find out why they were so afraid of this 'Muslim' from Hawaii.

Who is Barak Obama? What I found out is this... Obama is intense. He is intelligent. He is determined. He is calm. He is serious. He is strong. He is impressive. He is classy. He is respectful. He is humble. He is believable. He is caring. He is compassionate. He is dedicated. He is hopeful. He is freedom. He is liberty. He is black. He is white. He is American!

I think I'm fairly typical of most Americans. We don't know all the issues when it comes to politics but we know what we like. I'm not black. I'm not even a man but I feel like Obama is someone who can relate to me. I get no such feelings from McCain. He comes across as a grumpy old man who thinks he knows what Americans need. But he doesn't really have a clue. If you have to tell people you're a maverick then you are NOT one. People who inspire others don't point fingers and call names. Why would anyone want him to be their leader?

So, in retrospect I believe Obama's being bi-racial certainly played a role in who he is but would I be just as pleased with him if he was only white? Sure. But I'm thrilled that my children get to witness this historic moment at a young age. I'm excited that we're making progress. My kids will live in a era where people really are created equal. America decided that picking a young half black man named Hussein was a better choice than picking a backbiting, conservative, old republican "maverick". I am disappointed because so many people still voted for McSame/Falin. I know, baby steps.

Please Vote

If you can't decide who to vote for, here's a guy that will work for you!

Fall Update

Let's see where this leads me. I haven't posted in a while and I am feeling guilty. For me, creating an entry is difficult and time consuming. I feel bad if I don't have something interesting to say or the time to dedicate to a fun and witty post. I need to get over that or I will never post! Obviously. So this post is dedicated to updating. School started 3 weeks ago and this is my very first work day off. We are all busier than ever.

Senior year for Bubba has brought a few changes. She has decided to quit gymnastics. After nearly 14 years, she is done. She is tired, hurting and just wants to have a fun non stressful senior year. I don't blame her in the least. She knows college gymnastics is a long shot and why continue for another year when it's not that much fun anymore? I am of course sad and am still adjusting. I've given up my meet duties, turned over all my files, laptop, printer and knowledge to another booster parent. I wish them well but I will honestly miss it. I actually enjoy running the meets and all the stress it involves. I think I've been having an identity crisis since Bubba told me she was done. As a parent so much of your identity comes from what your children are or do. I am no longer a gym mom. I am no longer a meet coordinator but I am now a dive mom. Bubba needs to be busy. She doesn't know any other way of life after all these years dedicated to a very time consuming sport. So for now it's diving which fills hours but not nearly as much as gymnastics and not nearly as hard on her body. Her classes at school are easy and she is enjoying football games and hanging with friends. She is also doing choir with her sister at Tacoma Youth Chorus.

Essica is super busy. She started work at McDonalds over the summer and after complaining to her boss about not getting any hours she is now working up to 4 days a week. Most weekends and then after school a couple of days. Tuesdays are Tacoma Youth Chorus and starting this week, Thursdays are for Special Olympics Bowling. She will be helping out with that for the next 6 weeks or so. Saturday mornings are for bowling league and several weekends are for bowling tournaments. I never get to sleep in anymore, waaaahh! Until she gets her licence, we take turns driving her but I usually get the short straw more than others. When she'll have time to fit in driver's ed, I don't know.

Nodnarb is also working a lot. He is not currently going to school so he has lots of time to work. He switched to a brand new Safeway so he has the most seniority. He often works the morning shift of 6 am. HA! He has to get up at 4:30 am! I have to laugh about that. He is so not a morning person but is coming to appreciate the early shift. He says he has more time in his day to do other stuff. Welcome to adulthood.

Ricky is doing very well so far this school year. He has been able to get all his school work done and I rarely have to threaten him. Last night he was actually working on it without being told to. I know! Insane. He even wrote an 8 paragraph paper about himself with no help and let me read it. It was the best paper I've ever seen him write. His spelling was atrocious but it was well thought out and clever. I really couldn't think of a single criticism other than the spelling and punctuation which I didn't even mention. (He did inform me ahead of time that this was a rough draft and they would be peer editing the next day so I bit my tongue.) Last week Ricky took a hunting and gun class. It was a very intensive 4 day class with Saturday being all day. While I am glad his dad made sure he was getting educated on how to handle the guns he routinely uses for hunting and target practice, I am not a gun fan at all. This is difficult for me but I know it's something he really wants to do. If given the choice between my son becoming a hunter/marksman or a sullen rebellious teenager I guess I'll take the former. Ricky is also taking guitar lessons and is doing very well. I can actually hear a real song or two in his playing. :)

My mother in law is not doing very well. She has lung cancer and at this point is bed ridden and not eating. Mr Rainy has been making trips down to Vancouver where she lives with his sister to visit as often as possible. We expect a call any day now. Having been through this with my father 18 years ago, I can tell you there is nothing harder than just waiting. His heart is breaking and I can't do anything to stop it. His dad passed away when he was just a teen so he is no stranger to death but it's his mommy this time. We are as prepared as we can be but the waiting is awful.

I had been working long term in a 4th grade class. That came to an end yesterday so I'm just chillin'. I'll be back to another job tomorrow I'm sure. That's the wonderful thing about subbing. I'm looking forward to a ladies retreat in October. I have a group of friends from the early days of Bubba's gymnastics career that still get together. We rent a house and do nothing but drink, eat and play games all weekend. It's absolutely wonderful.

Music from Tacoma Youth Chorus

I've never tried this before so I'm hoping this works. I told you before about Essica's Europe trip with her choir. This is the music from their Bon Voyage Concert on June 22, 2008, held at Christ Episcopal Church in Tacoma. These are most of the songs they sang while in Europe. I hope you enjoy.

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PS. I was delivered of a bouncy baby kidney stone on Monday. Unfortunately I could not deliver on my own but all things considered it turned out pretty well. Three weeks of labor was quite enough, thank you! I hope I never have to go through this again and I hope none of you do either.

A Typical Night in the ER

So last night the girls and I were bowling about 9:30 when I got the most excruciating pain in my back. I've never felt anything like it before. By the time I got home I realize it's not just my back. The pain felt like a knife stabbing me right under the lowest rib on my right side. I thought I was dying. I can't take that kind of pain with out throwing up. At first I suspected it was my appendix but thought the pain to be a little high for that. Kidney Stones was my next guess. Bubba took me to the ER at midnight. Mr. Rainy had to take a taxi from work to his car at the park and ride as the buses had just stopped running for the night.

The pain was really bad for about 2 hours and then while in the waiting room, it went away. It came back when I went back to an exam room. The nurse put a line in and drew blood and I had to get sick again as the pain was through the roof. Luckily it got better again and didn't come back for the rest of the night. I waited in that room for about 4 hours without seeing a doctor.

There was a guy behind curtain number 1 when I was led to curtain number 2. He had stomach pains that have been happening on and off since 1980! We heard his whole life story. How he's been tested for everything over the years. How he weighed 210 when he got married 30 years ago and now he weighs 255. It was weird to not be able to see him through the curtain but hear everything him and the doctor talked about. That had to be the chattiest ER doctor ever. I learned all about where his parents immigrated from and how he's seeing a nutritionist himself to help him eat better. On and on! It was strange. About this time Mr Rainy found us. Curtain number 1 guy left a little later and I had to get up and use the rest room. I tried to walk out and find one but nobody was around to ask. I sent Mr Rainy to find one for me. Meanwhile they bring in new person by way of ambulance. It didn't sound good right from the start. It was obvious as the room filled up with people and they were slinging medical jargon only heard on TV shows. Listening to their talk and the beeping and mechanical breathing sounds, it was clear they were trying to save her life. Then the nurse comes in and leads me to the restroom. As we pass the bed next door she says, don't look. Um, ok no problem there. When I came back they had the curtain pulled all the way around her so I couldn't see but there must of been 8 people bumping around behind that curtain.

Then they said it. Pulmonary Embolism. I didn't know exactly what that was but knew it had to do with her heart and it was bad. During this time, Mario and I are communicating with our eyes as there's no way we wanted to talk and disturb the show. It was surreal. Like you know what's going on but you just can't believe it. It all seemed fake like they were on TV but worse. The nurses and doctors were talking like normal, chatting actually and even joking. In no way at all did they act like it wasn't just normal everyday stuff. No raised voices, no panic tones, no fear, very unlike similar scenes played out on TV. If you really had no clue you'd think they were just doing a routine exam. Then you hear a loud digital female voice say, Check the patient. It was weird and random. It did it twice before they shut it off. The nurse said she was born in 1985. Mario and I both looked up at that. 85? We said with our eyes. Our son was born in 88. He's only 20. This girl was only 23 years old. I glanced at Katie to see if she was paying attention. I couldn't tell if she understood all that was going on. My problems seemed like nothing compared to what was going on behind curtain number 1. When they called her death the three of us just looked at each other. You could hear the mom in the background crying hysterically. I have no idea what brought this girl to the ER. I'll never know what she looked like or who she was but we witnessed the most intimate event in a persons life. I will never forget. Her name was Nicole and she was 23 yrs old.

My nurse shows up a little later to apologize for leaving us alone so long. I'm next on the doctor's list. I try to talk Bubba into going home but she wants to stay. We chat about this and that, listen to the announcements come over the PA system every once in a while. She laughs about the name Dr. Waffle. Dr. Waffle finally shows up at my curtain. He is not the chatty doctor our earlier stomach guy had. With a fun name like waffle you'd expect someone a bit more cheerful. He was a no nonsense kind of guy. He said I need a CT Scan and they need to get a better urine sample. It's either kidney stone or an ovary problem. Within a few minutes some cute young guy comes to my curtain and I panic thinking he's going to be collecting my urine sample! When he tells me he's taking me to my CT Scan, I started breathing again. That was easy and not too embarrassing. Thankfully I get my nurse for the other thing. Whew!

I end up getting transferred out of my room to a different room. The nurse felt bad that we were still in the same room with a corpse. I don't know why they didn't move her out instead of us. My new room was quiet and dark. In curtain 2 was an older teen with a broken arm that I had seen in the waiting room. Not sure what his story was. His arm was already casted when he came in and he wasn't in any obvious pain. I only know that a cute young doctor made a very tired looking nurse come back and redo his cast/bandage about three times. She looked frustrated and barely hanging on. I don't blame her. By this time it was about 5 am and while I'd been lying down for a few hours I hadn't really looked at the insides of my eyelids since 9 am the day before. Finally my serious, not chatty doctor came in. To help with the mood he could of told me that I will be giving birth to a 5 mm kidney stone. He also could of said take it to my regular doctor after it's born and he'll tell me what kind it is. Oh joy! Give me something to look forward to. Should I name it after Dr Waffle? But nothing he said sounded even remotely comical. The facts remain the same though and if I'm lucky this too shall pass without the help of the pain meds I was prescribed.

After sleeping half the day away, I'm still waiting for labor to kick in. I can't get over the events of the night. I'm in awe of what doctors and nurses do everyday. How they can take extreme situations and handle them like nothing. I am very thankful there are people (even Dr Waffle) out there like that. I couldn't do it.

The Dynamic Duo

Where did my babies go? Wasn't it yesterday that my little Bubba would sit contentedly on any lap for hours at a time? Her little dimples would flash so quick and another pair of hands would snatch her up. By the time she was 4 she developed an energy that couldn't be capped. She was bouncing up and down and all over and she was a marvel to watch. She'd flash that grin and look over her shoulder as if to say, are you watching me? Of course we are. We can't take our eyes off of you! While she loves the attention, don't expect her to talk to you. Maybe she grew accustomed to us always being there watching out for her. Maybe it was always in her nature to be quiet and shy. I tried to help her spread those wings. I'd have her order her own food at the McDonalds counter. I'd make her talk to her teachers and coaches. I even let her go to China with her gymnastics team when she was 11. But what she needs to help her soar isn't a mother or a father but a sister.

Essica, from day one was demanding something from the world. Demanding to be held and then a minute later demanding to be let down. If I wanted to dress her in purple, she wanted to wear orange. When I wanted to help her ride her bike she pushed me away and then practiced every day by herself on the back patio until she got it. The first day of preschool she did not want to go. She cried and threw a fit and I had to push her through the door and run. It broke my heart but I should not of worried. Once through the door she completely forgot about me. She was in her element. She had those kids and teachers whipped into shape in no time. When I complained to her teacher one day about how they let her do whatever she wants, she told me, "Essica is one kid you will never have to worry about. She is a natural leader. She knows what she wants and how to get it. That is a skill that can't be taught." Wow, my child is only 3 and already I can relax and let her take care of herself! You know what? That teacher was right.

The two girls together make for one amazing pair. The younger pushes the older to do things that she normally would be too shy to do. Alone, Bubba, might not try new things but when Essica is standing beside her life is full of adventures. The older keeps the younger one grounded. Puts a bit of humilty and humanity in her britches as only an older sibling can do. When Essica is demanding, Bubba is the peace maker. They compliment each other so perfectly. While many siblings fight over every little thing these two have been the best of buds. All of their future life plans include the other. As long as they're together I won't worry about either one of them. Right now they are in Portland by themselves, with a car and a credit card. I should seriously be very worried but curiously I'm ok.



What all this really means is that I can save all my worrying for my boys! Those two will undoubtedly either be at home until they put me in the ground or take off for parts unknown with no forwarding address. Not sure which I prefer. :)

Europe in 5 minutes.

Come along for a short journey to Eastern Europe. Your travel guide is Ms. Essica. As a member of the Tacoma Youth Chorus, Essica was part of a choir tour through Hungary, Slovakia, Czech Republic and Austria. They performed concerts in the following places: St Stephen's Basilica in Budapest, Hunyady Hall of Bojnice Castle in Sliač, Decanal Church in Tabor, St Saviour’s Church in Prague and also at the Cantus MM Festival in Salzburg. Their trip took 2 weeks but we can see it all in just a few minutes. If you're like me this may be as close as you'll ever get to seeing these places.

Wisconsin anyone?

I'm sure WI is a lovely place to live but it's not much to visit. Not that we had much time to see anything anyway. Y Nationals turned out a lot different than I expected. Bubba and I went with our cheerleading pom poms but she ended up wearing a leotard instead. Last Monday before we left she tried out a beam routine, partially done on her left, non dominant leg. She said it went ok and she might just try competing. I told her I'd try really hard not to laugh. Adrenaline is a wonderful thing when it comes to emergencies and competing. At the open workout on Wed she actually did all her skills on her good leg! (See photo to the right. Check out coach's face. This is the moment we knew she'd be competing) It turned out to be a good thing that her coach didn't scratch her from the meet. She pulled off some very nice routines with no falls! Team mate, Chels, has had pnemonia for the last month and she also wasn't expecting to compete but she gave it a whirl on bars and beam and looked exactly like she always does, minus the coughing. :) Muscle memory is amazing too. Our little team could not compete for a team award without those necessary All Around scores but all the girls did great on the routines they did. Bubba ended up qualifying for beam finals (placed 8th), Chels for bar and beam, Alison, bars, beam and floor and Mia for all 4 events! We're very sad that this was the last Y Nationals for Alison and family. She had an amazing meet with two 9.7s! Beam and Floor. She ended up winning beam, came in 2nd AA, 2nd on bars and 3rd on floor. Congratulations Al. We're so proud of you.

So instead of sight seeing we went meet seeing. Day one, 6 hours of gym; day two, 8 hours of gym; day 3, another 8 hours of gym and awards! Even with our handy dandy seat cushion, my bum was feeling the burn. Thank God, this season is over. I'm looking forward to watching my next gymnastics meet from the comfort of my living room couch in Aug. :) We did see Lake Michigan for a few minutes one evening on our way back to the hotel. It's very pretty.

Next year we go to Philadelphia. Even though we've been to PA before I'm excited we're going to Philly this time. We may make it a family trip and head up to New York. This will be Katie's last gymnastics trip so we might as well do it up right. Of course gas prices might just see us staying home instead. I'm hoping for a very light meet season to help us afford Nationals. Yeah, right!

Pictures of Essica

Essica after the 9th grade awards.






















Essica posing for me in the park before the 9th grade dance.
































The girls are sassy!

















Aw, what a cute group.
















The redneck limo!

Dances, Grads and Dads Oh My

One and a half days left of school. I am officially off for the summer as I have no plans to sub the last two days. The kids unfortunately have to go. Essica is all prepared for the 9th grade dance tomorrow night. Her friends and her have everything all planned out. It sounds like my part is easy. I only have to get her ready with make up, hair, dress, nylons, shoes, accessories and send her on her way. One of her friend's neighbor is driving the group over in a trailer pulled by a tractor. This I can't wait to see. I guess it's going to be all decorated with lights. Should be lots of fun. The weather has been given strict instructions to cooperate for them. Afterwards they will stay the night at said friend's house and wear their dance clothes to school for the last day.

This is the weekend for Graduations and Dad's Day. Yesterday we endured enjoyed going to the rival school's graduation for Bubba's good gymnastics buddy, Alison. (Stargazer's daughter. You can read more about this on her blog.) Afterwards we went to her house for a cupcake party. I tried a vegan chocolate cupcake and it was amazing! It was a nice casual time with just a few family members and friends. I felt very honored to be included. While I know that our friendship with her family will always remain I was worried about how it will change now that Alison will be going off to college. In the few short years that our girls have been training together we've become very close. We've traveled all over the country together. We've experienced tornado warnings and electrical storms in the mid west, blinding downpours, flooding and oppressive heat waves back east, the Mall of America, police chaperones in Minneapolis, hotel hallway parties, DC in an hour, casino hopping in Vegas, Cirque Du Soleil, cheese heads, restaurants galore, airport sitting, car riding, bleacher sitting, beach walking, wilderness wanderings and so much more. Then there is the daily carpool driving, injury commiserating, booster club politics and meetings, meet hosting extravaganzas, competition stresses, check book blowouts and coaching dramatics. Is it any wonder that we've bonded over the years? It is the lack of these future shared adventures and debacles that causes me to worry that things will change too much and we might fade apart.

Then today Bubba and I attended a grad party for a senior whose family we've known for a very long time. This was another family that we met through gymnastics. There is actually a group of us that met this way when our girls were very young and training together. Over the years the girls have since scattered to different places. But today's gathering is proof that our friendships still remain as strong as ever. Four of these families showed up in support of the sister of their x gymnast friend. How cool is that? On the way home I was pondering over these similar events for different friends who all met because of a childhood sport. I got that warm fuzzy feeling inside and I now feel much more confident that all our bonds will continue to flourish and grow. Thank you guys for still being there. I love you all.

Dad's Day. Not so very different from Mom's Day around here. Mr Rainy went out and splurged on Mochas for us this morning. Then he put some pork in the crock pot for dinner, cleaned his garage, cut down a tree and did a bit of Costco shopping. He did receive cards and a present at some point, so not quite like Mother's Day. :)

HA!

Maybe I'm not cut out for blogging. I'm certainly not being very faithful. I'm also not following my own rules. I stated on day one that I would blog for myself but obviously I'm not because when I've got nothing I think is interesting I don't bother to blog. I understand that blogging should be like a diary where I just put down thoughts or things I did that day but I'm not doing it. I will try harder.

The last few weeks have been a bit stressful. I should have blogged about it but didn't want to make mountains out of mole hills. I feel like if I put down these thoughts that I'm just whining and making things worse than they really are. Obviously they are being worked out but still bugging me!

The end of the school year has many stresses but when you have children that are into more than the average teenager it gets to be really crazy. The last month I've been clothes shopping no less than 10 times. This is way more than my limit. A little random spring shopping is fine but when you have very specific items it get daunting and exhausting. Over the last month we've been to three malls (some more than once) and a few individual stores (some more than once) looking for these items. Did we find everything? HA!

Our 9th graders have many different year end festivities that require their parents to shell out a bucket load of clams. At the 9th grade awards ceremony the choir kids perform a very special song and dance performance that is quite lovely. It actually brings tears to my eyes. They sing All I Ask of You from Phantom of the Opera. The girls are required to wear long formal dresses and the boys tuxes. We lucked out when Bubba did this two years ago by borrowing a dress that I altered a bit to get it to fit her 5'0" frame. With Essica we were not so lucky. Because this was a costume and not a dance dress I could not justify spending hundreds for it. We did end up finding a clearance dress from JC Penny that was stunning. Just one slight problem. It was just a wee bit too small. We bought it anyway hoping by some miracle it would fit better later on. No such luck. Saturday morning Essica went on line to find a solution. The solution was actually quite brilliant. I bought some ribbon and created loops that I sewed on behind the back zipper. When only zipped part way up and with more ribbon laced through the holes it looked awesome! Just like it was made that way. It actually made the dress too big so I had to take in the sides a bit and move the straps but it turned out perfect. One stress out of the way.

On to dress number two. The all district 9th grade dance is also a formal and heaven forbid you wear the same dress twice so back to the store we went. This time looking for a short fun dress. We had some luck but not a lot. Essica tried on one she really liked but it wasn't dressy enough. So she went online and found the same dress in a different fabric and color. It seemed too good to be true. It was. It came and while it was very pretty it didn't quite fit well enough. So I return it to the store and she finds a different dress that just came in. To make this work she'd need some special undergarments. That seemed reasonable, right? HA! We went to every department, discount and lingerie store around. Finally found something suitable but not quite good enough for the dress we had. So back to drawing board. Return dress number two and find dress number three. The perfect little black dress. Thank God it fits and everything works with everything else. We also found shoes on clearance that would work with either dress. Can she actually walk in these? HA! Not my problem.

In 16 days, half our family will be leaving either the state or the country. These trips always require some extra purchases but when the one item needed is so specific as to color and fit, that just might be the straw that breaks my last bit of sanity. Essica's choir is taking a tour of Europe. Wow, right? HA! Oh yes, it's going to be grand and all that. I'm quite jealous as I doubt I'll ever see the places they are visiting. But if I actually find the last item they want her to have in her possession I'll be thrilled to send her off at the ungodly hour they're asking us to deliver her to the airport. Stone colored pants. First off, Stone? What exactly is that color? My initial thought was light grey. EHT! (that's the sound buzzers make when you're wrong.) Turns out it's like a vanilla milkshake with a just a touch of peanut butter added. The style and length actually doesn't matter for once. Shorts, capris, jeans or pants are all fine. Ok, sure, that sounds easy. HA! We did find many items that potentially would of worked, unfortunately Essica was not happy with the fit or style of any of them. We have 2 weeks left. Please God, help us!

There is more. Oh so much more. But for today, this is good.